When you get divorced who ultimately wins ?? Does anyone? Do you re-evaluate ten years from now and realize that yes, in the end, both people win, because so much happiness has been found in their new lives.
Is it true that the spouses who do the walking "pay" or "get theirs"? Does every dog "have their day"? Is there ever such a thing as "karma"? When your spouse walks away you're often left in the cold ( I like to think of it as a winter season with lots of snow ), you are holding a bag and inside are tons of unanswered questions and broken peices and it's almost impossible to do anything with the contents. But in time, with effort those questions will be answered and the peices slowly are put back together.
But something very sad happens during this time of repairing. You loose people. People disappear from your life. You realize that you are a single parent raising a child or two. This leaves you unavailable for dinner groups, book clubs, early morning swimming, marathon training, girls night out and any other thing that requires someone else at home. 6 or 8 months go by and you realize that you haven't seen your friends new baby, or that you haven't read a book, or gone away on vacation, or exercised, or done anything that was a major part of your life prior to your separation. When you are married you build your life around someone else, their friends, and their family, their work, their likes and hobbies. Suddenly, the life of two people become one.
I haven't talked with my ex mother in law since December 23rd of 2009. This is crazy to me. I called her mom, she was in my life for 8 years. I am the mother of her first "Granddaughter". Greggs cousin and I are the same age, and had monthly dinners, I haven't heard from her since January of 2010. I reached out to her and got no response. Gregg's aunt and uncle were as close to me as my own parents. They haven't talked to me since the weekend that Gregg left here in November of '09. There are friends of ours that haven't contacted me, and there are people that Gregg worked with who I was close with, also haven't contacted me. Where are these people? I have spent the last 21 months trying to figure out and make sense of their abrupt disappearance. I mean, do they know what I went through, and how hard this was for me. Do they understand what my ex did to me?
I know this happens during divorce. Do these people feel awkward? Do they automatically side with their family members, as blood is thicker than water (if you're italian anyway). Have they heard a totally different side of the story? I don't have the answers to these questions. But I do understand that these people who have dropped me, are adults. These adults have choices. People know what is right and what is wrong. I can't really feel for the friends, cousins, in laws etc who are 'in the middle' of two people divorcing. These people are grown up and they can make their own minds up and their own decisions.
So this leaves me to the question of "who wins during a divoce"? More times than not, it seems as though the poor people left (in the winter with the paper bag) are really the victims. More often than not they are the ones loosing homes, families & friendships etc. It seems as though the people leaving, just leave, no consequences, and business as usual for them. Are they the winners? It doesn't seem fair!
I can only hope that some day Gregg's cousin will reach out to me, or his mom. Maybe they never will, I can still hope and think about that time in the future. I can only hope that the girlfriends who I haven't seen in 6 months will understand what I went though and that I am still the same person I was before this happened. I am hoping that in time, it will be clear who (if anyone) wins at this game. The questions about Karma hopefully will be answered, and I finally can see my life as "fair".
No comments:
Post a Comment