Over the last year my life changed drastically. I'm kinda tired. My domestic responsibilities and daily stresses have exploded, and left me tired.
I played sports most of my life beginning in middle school. After college I kept up the good work! GOOD FOR ME! Rowing took up a big part of my college life. I made sacrifices that I thought were much worth it, and I would make those same sacrifices again. I continued to be physical off and on afterwards. After college I was running every day, at lunch during work, on vacations, after work, in the AM. After a night of drinking, I could pull off a 5 mile run in the hot sun at the shore! Impressive!
After having Hadley, I decided I would begin training for Sprint and Olympic distance triathlons. I had the time, I loved getting up early to swim, and had no problem or complaint about doing another workout later that day. After all, college rowers do two workouts all the time. I did it then, I could do it now. I enjoyed the challenge of meeting goals and could handle the pressure, it was almost fun. Often once they were met, I would come up with another one within no time at all. Striving was the only way I knew. And 8 years of coaching rowing has just fed my own personal desires to keep striving and training. Practice what you're preaching right?
During my divorce, I literally took almost a yr off. Finally I started circuit training & I couldn't hold a 15 lb weight. I was really weak. I was even more frustrated at this. So I plugged away at it, twice a week. Then signed up to run a 1/2 marathon. Who takes a year off and then immediately comes up with a goal like a 1/2 marathon? Really - not too many people. Most people, just decide to do a 5k here and there, or something on a much smaller scale. So I trained all through the winter. Two hour runs on the treadmill made me cross eyed. The two hour runs outside made me feel freezing and heavy, as I was bundled up like I was hitting the ski slopes.
I finally ran the 1/2 in Florida, it was a great vacation with my most favorite guy!!! But after the run, I was really depressed, and not as happy or satisfied as I should have been. Why? The last three miles were brutal, my knee was hurting, I was hot and tired, and really just wanted it to be over. I felt unprepared! This made me really upset. What was wrong with me? I couldn't understand my mental state or my disapointment. This was my first get away with my boyfriend, & I didn't want to seem like some crazy intense runner person. However, I did express my feelings about my run, and he said something to me that no one has said to me ever. "The competition with this stuff is over", "this should be fun". At that minute, I felt like a brick hit me. When do I ever tell my rowers to 'have fun' racing? NEVER! It's always about meeting goals, PR's, qualifying, improving (not necessarily for them individually) to 'win'. I realized that this was carrying over into my own training and life. It wasn't really necessarily fun for me, I was focused on times and goals and the next race, and the training schedule/s. I was going through the motions. I wasn't lossing any weight, I was just kinda blah. Racing wasn't fun and I wasn't looking forward to it.
As a result, I think I'm going to hang up my racing belt this summer. Initially this idea made me panic. But I realized that I can still ride my bike as much as I want, I can go for a run whenever I can or want too, I can still circuit train and swim. I can do all of these things, but on my own time! I will swim and get my 50 yd FS back down to 33 secs. I will be able to do 20 real pushups again too. I will do these things on my own time, not because there is a schedule or because I am racing in 24 days. I am taking a different approach and it will be better. I feel relieved just thinking about it. These workouts are going to be fun for me not a chore. I can always run a race, or do a triathlon again. There may come a time when I really want to race again. I may at some point in my life, have more time. I hope I do. But for now, maybe I'll just workout to get fit and strong! That sounds excellent!
