What exactly is unconditional love? I have spent the last couple of weeks really thinking about this. Is it really only possible in a cat/dog-person relationship? Do marriages really obtain an unconditional love over time? Yesterday I picked up my four year old after not seeing her for 5 days. She ran as fast as she could across the playground and jumped up into my arms - she was so happy to see me. This is unconditional love for sure. (She is also four and I know this will not continue forever as she will be 16 one day:)
With the effort not to sound like "Carrie Bradshaw", I thought I would spend some time writing about this very topic.
Aren't you supposed to love your spouse unconditionally? In my mind this means that you love them NO matter what. When you marry someone- you know all about them. You know this persons strengths and weaknesses and you love all of them. When you're married isn't it supposed to be this way? You are supposed to love your spouse, all of them, all of the time. Aren't you supposed to be ready to sacrifice anything for that person? Isn't unconditional love when you will go to the other ends of the earth for this person?
I have realized recently, that my ex husband didn't really love me unconditionally at all. Really he didn't ever. I don't believe it was something that over time faded. I just don't think that it ever really existed. I had to fall into certain parameters for him to really love me. I had to be "person A" or "person B". If I was person "C", or "D", I was really unacceptable. I know this now.
For someone to go and begin an affair after just 4-5 years of marriage doesn't indicate unconditional love for their spouse. At this stage of marriage you're at your prime time of children, parenting, carreers, etc.. this is the time to thrive and love your spouse for who they are becoming and where they are going in their lives. This was not the case for me. I am not pitying myself, nor do I feel like a victim. As a matter of fact, what happened to me, seems to be very common. I have been hearing tons of stories lately similar to my own. So I've been thinking about this "love" topic a bit and it raises questions and some obvious confusion about my own experience. I don't know if it's possible to ever really find this 'unconditional' love for someone. Actually I believe I can feel this way, because I know my own loyalty. The real question, is can someone recipricate this? It seems to be a really hard concept for people in this "all about me" world. I guess time tells all and having a little faith doesn't hurt either. I will surely have more to add on this very topic as I proceed as a 'divorced' young "30 something". But for now, it's time to have breakfast.
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